K's Teenage Struggles Part 2

I reviewed a bunch of E-Mails I sent to Elena and they just get more and more hilarious because I was having such a good time when I started university. Part 2 starts out sad because I mention Toni (one of the last times though that I mention him at all) and because I PPrently thought I'm a mentally stable person. 
The subject line was: "Long Update because I have a lot of time right now (and you'll laugh when you read why)". I literally click-baited my best friend. And in K's Teenage Struggles Part 3 (posting it tomorrow) you'll find out why I had so much time and it's hilarious (MUHAHA).

K:

Hey,

(...)
 

You are completely right: I am not over Toni. Of course I love his stupid face. The good times we had, which we had plenty of, were REALLY good. So it's just so sad that we couldn't fix our problems with each other. Also, I just feel really bad for him. Because he's really set in his ways, his friends are not going to help his attitude at all because they're instigators, and he's just going to struggle with it so much, as you said. And I wish I could help because a nice guy like him deserves love. But there is just nothing I can do. And the more I think of it, the more I know that there is nothing I can do. I think I'm really lucky that I'm an emotionally stable person (BAHAHAHAHA) and know that it's not my fault. I try not to feel bad about it. But I guess I can't avoid a little pain completly. I just know I could not live how Toni wants us to live. And I'm sure he is ready for some compromise but it's not enough. I just need a man that generally has a different attitude and as you said, doesn't feel threatened by literally everything.

(...)

I should tell you about my time in *my college town* anyways: 

I have joined a group of friends which I think I have told you about. They are a little older than me (ages range from 24 to 27) but it really doesn't show except that I'm excited for university ;) hehe. There is my soon-to-be-ex-roommate L., who studies Pharmacy-stuff and likes to dress extravagant but she's super nice. Her boyfreiend's name is Chris. He is probably the one I talk to the most. He always invites me for coffee at his place and we can have long talks about basically any topic. I really feel like we match very well intellectually. And I'm glad that L. isn't the jealous type at all. They really feel confident with each other and that's really nice to see that that exists considering what I went through with Toni. Chris' best friend is Ben. He's fun, intelligent, athletic and I feel REALLY CRAZILY SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to him. But he has a girlfriend and they live together and love each other, so obviously i'm not gonna do anything. It's a thing down here to kiss on the cheek when you say hello or goodbye to friends so I'm obviously really enjoying that with him ;) His girlfriend is called Mara, she is a dance teacher but she hardly every joins our group activities (mostly because she is working, i guess). She seems really nice and we have talked about shoes, like real girls.... They once had everyone over at their apartment for pizza and movies, and it was a lot of fun. She is really jealous though and feels immensely threatened by me. (I wonder why, I'm literally just super excited when her boyfriend kisses me on the freakin cheek!!) But if we get to know each other better, it will be better for sure. There is another girl she has been really jealous of before me, she is called Maria. I really like Maria, she has been single for 3 years and doesn't like it but she's unable to talk to men. We all went out on Saturday (friday we went out for drinks) and I wanted to help her, so we distanced ourselves from the group (SO WISE) and I said we should dance one big circle around the dance floor to check everyone out and maybe meet someone. And then I met a guy, his name is Toni (seriously?!) and he just finished studying economy. he wasn't hot but he seemed really nice. Then we finished our dance-circle and Maria met 0 men. That was really depressing...

In hindsight I can say that I have never again felt so platonically sexually attracted to someone like Ben. I lost touch with that entire group when I moved a few streets over and the coffees at Chris' became less because we were both busy. But I should have gotten back in touch with them and I could imagine that Ben is/was single again because I heard they were fighting a lot. I guess I missed my chance. But I can really appreciate my man trouble because right now my man troubles are that I don't like anyone!